Eventually curiosity got the better of me during college (as it so often does-insert lesbian/bi-curious jokes here) and I went to a class.  Then, I went to another, and another. Maybe this wasn’t so crazy after all.  I’m naturally very flexible, but when I realized the strength and mental focus it took to practice yoga, I saw a challenge.  When I learned the techniques, and saw the changes in my body and mind, I knew I was hooked.  After multiple surgeries, recoveries, etc. yoga is the thing I’ve always come back to.  That, and swimming are my sports.  I like them because they both essentially have no rules, you are interacting with yourself, moving through space fluidly.  They are both hugely peaceful activities, and sometimes that’s what type-A, anal-retentive bitches like me need.  When I told some co-workers that I was going to yoga tonight, they asked me about it, as people oft do.  I said, “Oh, I love it. I’m such an asshole if I don’t go.” And it’s true.  I’m a short-tempered ass because I don’t feel well.  Whatever yoga does for my body, it does as much for my mind and I cannot discount that connection.  When I’m stressed, I’m sick.  That’s how it’s always been, so when I finally wised-up and realized, “I need to find ways to de-stress,” I found my answer.  It’s great for my body too.  I sweat out all kinds of gunk, it helps my lupusy joints without putting too much strain on them, I get the good endorphins flowing.  In short, it makes me happier, healthier, and nicer.

     I do it even when I’m not feeling my best, because I know sitting on the couch ain’t gonna make my achy hip feel better.  It also stirs around my insides and releases some wicked gas sometimes.  If I don’t feel up to a class, I do some less-intense, gentle poses at home.  Meditation is also awesome.  It’s amazing what silencing those yappy voices in your head can do for your overall health.

     My first yoga teacher was a biomedical engineer (yowza!) and she did some research on my conditions and decided that inversions would be awesome for me.  I thought, “I will never be able to do that [stand on my head, handstand, etc.],” but it’s one of my favorite things to do now.  It gives you a crazy burst of energy.  Now, I suggest trying this under supervision and learning the techniques so you don’t hurt yourself.  Take a private yoga class if you can afford it, or find a donation-based studio in your area.  Always tell your teacher about your health history.  We get dehydrated fast, and they need to be privy to that.  You also need to avoid straining your abdominal area if you have a J-pouch.  This comes from the mouth of J-pouch Jesus himself (Dr. Bo Shen at Cleveland Clinic).  Most yoga poses utilize supportive abdominal muscles, but just chill during the crunch portion of class if you need to.

     In short, it’s the physical, but at least as much, if not more, the peacefulness and mental focus of yoga that help me.   I hope you’ll give it a try too.

Jackie & Lizz sweating their assess off in Texas (aug 2011)

Ok internet. I’m pissed. And I don’t just mean like…meh that angers me but I’m pissed off. In the last few months I have seen a lot of hatred among the IBD community towards each other, and specifically I mean two different cases of ostomates basically telling jpouchers to fuck off. I’m tired of holding my tongue and I’ve got some things to say about it.

I’ll make a list for you.

1. Whatever happened to just supporting each other? We’ve all fought horrific diseases and understand the journey we’ve all taken, so where does this divide come from? Its one of my missions to promote IBD awareness and a HUGE part of that is ostomy awareness. I love ostomates, why all of a sudden do I feel like the red headed step child of IBD now that I have a jpouch?

2. An ostomy is your choice, a jpouch was mine. Why have I seen ostomates putting down jpouchers for CHOOSING to have their takedown surgeries? Is this a simple lack of education or jealousy? Something else? I mean I understand many ostomates cannot have a jpouch, so your choices were different than mine. I don’t tell you what kinds of supplies you should be using because its different for everyone, just like the choice for a jpouch.

3. Jpouches fail. Frankly they fail more than I ever realized, but that still doesn’t mean that they all fail. To make blanket proclamations about “all jpouches” is completely asinine. Thats like saying all ostomates get strictures, or all ostomates will have a blockage. Sure its possible, but a guarantee? No way. I know an absurd amount of jpouchers, and they all have ran the gamut from happy/healthy, to sick, and even people with their pouches removed. I can safely say that in this amount, which again, is SO MANY, MOST are happy/healthy. Sure it may have taken some time to get there, but have you always been a happy/healthy ostomate? Doubtful. These diseases are tyrants, we all have to work to be where we are.

4. If you’ve never had a jpouch, shut your mouth about it. I had my ostomy for 15 months and that damn sure doesn’t make me an expert, but at least I’ve experienced it. Good and bad. Frankly, quit talking out of your stoma about things you’ll never experience.

5. Just because you have a blog, and people read it does not give you the right to spread completely false medical information. You are free to speak of your own experience until you’re blue in the face. But the second I start blogging about the statistics of epileptic seizures please stop reading. I don’t know a damn thing about that, and just because I have a lot of readers, it doesn’t give me the right to litter the internet and their screen with bullshit information.

6. Finally, it disgusts me that there is discrimination among people with IBD. Literally that is what it boils down to. Save your hate for the rest of the world, but our community should be based on love and support. Be angry with the people who don’t understand our lives and the way we live. Most importantly, instead of bad mouthing jpouchers, why don’t you show the world what a positive impact your ostomy has made on your life, and spend your time advocating for that instead of inflicting guilt on people who made other choices than you did.

Generally when I see completely barbaric posts on the internet, I tend to leave them alone, but this time I’m putting this moron on blast. Head on over to this tumblr blog and let this girl know how fantastically uninformed she is. Also keep your eye out for other anti-jpouchers, they aren’t that hard to uncover.

The great news is that the good people at GoodBelly have offered to do a giveaway here on my blog to one of my readers, so you can take the 12 day challenge on their dollar. More details about that to come later.

Previous JP drains

I really love this surgeon. He’s so friendly its almost nauseating, but he’s genuine. But I always wait like 45 minutes for him to come into the damn room. Its annoying. So as I’m waiting, my drugs start to hit and I get really tired and loopy which was nice I guess. He came in and admired my stomach and his work. Then he asked about the output of my drains, and decided to take out the short one. Thank god! Now I remember the last JP I had, they were like ok, take in a deep breath and let it out slowly and then they yanked out my insides, at least thats what it felt like. This time he didn’t tell me to breathe in. He just said ok this is going to sting for a minute, and then he pulled, slowly. And I was SHOCKED. Not in pain shock, but shocked at how little it hurt. Sure, there was a sting, but this drain was a different shape than my other JP drains. The picture shows what the others looked like, there was the tube that was on the outside of my body and then this HUGE piece that was on the inside. And right where it went under the skin it mushroomed out, which is why it was so painful when they removed it because it has to stretch the skin to get out.

JP drain for tummy tuck

Well..this time it was not the same. I saw the drain as it came out, and it didn’t mushroom. Sure it hurt a smidge but it didn’t look like that and it wasn’t as long. Granted I was on drugs, but I’m telling you it was different. In the picture on the left, only the white part was under the skin. The clear tubing was on the outside. It was amazing. So then he slathered some neosporin on the hold and some tape. He took the tape off my incision, which looks so much better than I was expecting. At first glance its scabbed and gross, but very small and it looks good. He re-taped it, and then I was pretty much on my way. I am far less worried about the drain removal next week. WIN!

He also told me that I could wear a cami under the binder to help with how itchy it is. So overall, good visit. Excited to go next week and get the other drain out and be done with it all!

I’m ready to be healed. I’m bored. I’m tired of sitting on the couch. I constantly just keep thinking of all the other crap I could be doing instead of watching 2 full days of Tabatha’s Salon Takeover. I’m not really in a lot of pain, its only when I wake up, and when I cough. I seem to be coughing a ton, which is super fantastic, its like my stomach goes from fine to excruciating in 2 coughs. Its horrible. As I said in the video, I’m so effing over these drains. They drive me nuts. I’m always getting them caught on something, or they are in the way, or whatever. All they do is piss me off. I think there is a chance that I’m slightly more irritable than usual. This binder is itchy as all get out, I’m constantly itching underneath it. So I’m slightly miserable, but in an ok way. Its not because I’m in pain or I’m unhappy with things, its just because I’m tired of being on my couch. I have been craving cookies for like 2 days and I can’t go get them. Its a travesty.

Also, I have been watching other tummy tuck videos on youtube, and I can’t help but think what wusses these girls are. Maybe we’re unique because we’ve had a million surgeries, but they are so whiney. One girl said she didn’t leave her bed for 12 days because she was in so much pain, and that she had to have to mom do everything for her. I take 1 percocet a day, and I have been home by myself since I got home. I always do it that way. I never have any help after surgery. Sometimes I think we are big weenies about things after surgery, but then I think when we have to do something big (like another surgery), we’re freaks of nature. I’d like to think that I have a higher than normal tolerance for pain, especially if that bitch didn’t move for 12 days. I’d go crazy.

When I’m not having the shit issue, I’m doing good. I have reduced my painkillers to help with the pooping, and because I don’t need as many. I can stand straight up almost all the time now, and getting up off the couch and sitting back down are relatively event free. From the suggestion of a friendly reader, I’ve decided to wear the binder consistently. I’m not wearing it now because with the poop and distention it gets really tight and uncomfortable. My belly still looks the same for the most part. It is as hard as a rock, and my back is less sore now and the bruising is starting to yellow.

Over all, I think I’m doing well. Taking the food a lot slower, which sucks because I’m a lot hungrier. I can sleep better due to the couch bed my mom helped me construct. I’ve just never had this poop issue before in the past, so I didn’t realize how complicated it can make things. Good news is for my next tummy tuck, I’ll be totally prepared…..right.

I have been coughing up phlegm since surgery (sexy, huh) and those deep repetitive coughs just result in pain. Then I puked this morning which felt like i had little butterflies fluttering across my belly. No. That’s a lie. It felt like I was trying to cough my small intestine out of my mouth uncontrollably. And now that I have had a tummy tuck, I consider my self an expert, I have diagnosed myself with extra swelling from the coughing/puking. So this means that the fancy binder I’m supposed to wear, is borderline painful. So I put it on for a while and take short breaks with it off. My doc said this morning when I called him, that it’s just for support, but I still want to wear it as much as I can.

The pain is slightly out of control. I have percocets but since I couldn’t poop, I wasnt taking as many. Well that has resulted in good ol’ fashioned pain. I would imagine this is what natural childbirth feels like except only if you were birthing an infant elephant. And it’s not vag pain, it’s in the belly region. I can’t seem to get comfortable so that’s annoying. So I kinda just sit here, in pain, hoping someone will comment on my Facebook page so I can work on not punching myself in the face.

All you ladies who were interested in this procedure I’m not telling you to skip it. I am telling you that what was once a perk, (1 night in the hospital) is now a little mini personal nightmare. So I guess just be prepared for that. Also don’t puke, ever. And when you drop milk of magnesium on your bathroom floor, call your mom to come pick it up. She’s more than happen to drive 45 min to help.

I haven’t pooped yet, so I called to see if that is an issue. I’m guessing since there weren’t nazi nurses forcing me to walk, that is why my bowel hasn’t woke up yet.

Also I have 2 JP drains hanging from me right now. Ive never had to take those home with me before. So I was changing the dressing around the drain tubes, and whatever moron taped these up the first time taped them in a way that I had to cut the gauze off…see where this is going? I cut a hole in the JP drain. fuuuuuuuuuuccccckkkkk. So I MacGuyvered the tube back together so let’s hope it’s fixed until next Tuesday when I should be able to get one of them out.

Here’s a few more pictures. Ever time I look up old pictures I get super happy about the choice I made. The first picture is of the binder I have to wear for about two months. I wish we had these after bowel surgery, because they give a lot of support.

Here is a picture of my belly the morning of surgery.

Here is a pic from today post op.

Right now, I’m super sore. He did some lipo in my back and it feels like someone just punched me back. Its like have a really deep bruise. One that is so deep the color hasn’t risen to the skin yet. Also I have 2 drainage tubes, which are a pain in my ass. I think I’m going to be really happy with what I’m seeing. I can’t tell just yet because of the swelling, which can take up to 2 months to go down. But I’ll keep taking progress pics and what not. Until then, check out my embarrassing video below and some pictures after that. Also please don’t post mean things telling me I’m fat and my stomach is awful, its just mean. I never claimed to have a Victoria’s Secret model body, but I just want everyone who is curious to see what I’ve got going on. Its also really hard for me to post these, I’m tackling a huge self confidence hurdle here.