I have bought, designed, and made BloodPoopTears.com LIVE!

What does this mean for you? Well, nothing really, other than you have to type in a much shorter web address. However if you are one of my prized subscribers, it does mean (as far as I know), that you do have to resubscribe, and I really hope that you do.

This blog will still be live, I just won’t be actively updated it. All of the information, pictures, videos and everything are already live on the new site. So go check it out, and since I am a one woman army there might be mistakes. If you find anything off, or wrong in anyway, please let me know at bloodpooptears@gmail.com. That is changing too…..eventually.

If you don’t love the new layout/design, have no fear. Now that I have complete control over my blog, I anticipate frequent changes so be sure to check back often! Its been a wild ride so far, I hope you guys are on board for whatever comes next!

So go check it out…

www.BloodPoopTears.com

First I will say that GoodBelly has some delicious drinks. They taste just like any other fruit juice drink, and it was a nice little start to my day drinking some flavorful juices. The first couple days I was drinking it, I didn’t notice any differences. It wasn’t long after my tummy tuck and at this time I was having a hard time pooping anyway, so I was really hoping that GoodBelly could get me moving. Well after the first few days…it did. Not in a crazy way, but it definitely helped me to get back to my “normal”, whatever that is. This may be some TMI but it was also right around this time that I was starting my period, which for you jpouch girls you know that your pooping gets all crazy. GoodBelly helped that too. I kept a good normal poop schedule through all of this. Since my life has been SO busy since I started this job, I haven’t been able to get back to the store to buy more since my 12 day challenge ended…and I can honestly notice a difference. I feel like I strain more, and its slightly harder to empty. Could all of this be coincidence? Sure, of course. But I’d rather attribute it to some delicious GoodBelly. It will give me a good excuse to keep buying it. I think that if you’re like me and sitting on the fence with probiotics, GoodBelly is a good place to start. Its easy to find, not too expensive (plus there are coupons from their website), and it tastes good. Worst case scenario, if it doesn’t work for you, you got to drink some rad juice. I think I might try out some other probiotics, just to see how they work on my system, but over all I was pretty happy with GoodBelly. I’m actually going to try to hunt down some of their other products like the straight shots or probiotic powder.

GIVEAWAY!
So here’s the fun part. Do you want to take their 12 Day Challenge for free like I did? GoodBelly gave me 3 VIP vouchers for you to go try their challenge too….and also gave me the opportunity to do my first blog giveaway! YES!

So if you want to try GoodBelly make a comment here on the blog or on the facebook page with your favorite synonym for poop. The winner will be chosen at random, the comment is just your entry.

I’ll announce the winner on February 8th (next Wednesday).

When you’re chronically ill guilt and worth are something you really struggle with. I think I’ve talked about guilt on here before and how it can be overwhelming. Guilt is on the same level as worth. When you’re really sick, and can’t take care of yourself, not only do you constantly feel guilty but you start to feel worthless. For me, I couldn’t work, I couldn’t pay my bills, couldn’t drive myself to doctor appointments, etc. Basically everything that made me feel guilty also make me feel worthless. Worthless may sound dramatic, but when you break it down, it makes total sense. What am I worth? What do I bring to the table? What am I contributing? When I was sick…that was all nothing.

Last week I started my graduate assistant position, and while its not a full time job, its the first job I’ve had in a year and a half since I got fired. I had a whole new respect for the interview process because once I got the job, it was even more clear to me that they wanted me for this job. They trusted in me and my skills, and I was worth the risk of a new hire. This position gives me a salary and it pays my tuition, so the university takes a chance on grad assistants because they dump a lot of money into them.

When I finished my first week of work, I felt like I had accomplished something. Someone thought I would be good at something, they gave me a job, and I did that job. …..and they’re going to pay me to continue to do that job. All of this sounds so obvious, but after being without work those basic concepts have been refreshed in my mind. Sure, living on unemployment was nice, but you really start to feel worthless. I really started to question my skills, my degree, hell, my work ethic. There is a lot to be said about working. Everyone hates their job from time to time (or even all the time) but when you accomplish your job, and you’ve earned money to sustain your own well being….that’s a great feeling.

I had my first job when I was 11. It was a paper route. My parents both instilled in me at a very young age the pride in making your own money. What it feels like to provide for yourself. When I was sick, I was actually thankful to be free of my job, but since I had my colon removed and I was more functioning, I’ve had a hard time being unemployed. Its hard to be proud of yourself when you’re so dependent on other people. You spend all your time and energy trying to show them that you’re grateful and that you will make them proud. Now I feel like I can make those same people proud but by accomplishing things academically and professionally, opposed to medically. Instead of being proud of how fast I recover from a surgery, they can be proud that I’m excelling school and work, and also by devoting myself to volunteering and awareness. I feel like I have so much more worth now than I ever did before. And this might be a fleeting feeling because I’ll probably become jaded by having a career again but in the mean time I’ll be thankful for my job and that someone thought I was worthy enough to have it.

     Eventually curiosity got the better of me during college (as it so often does-insert lesbian/bi-curious jokes here) and I went to a class.  Then, I went to another, and another. Maybe this wasn’t so crazy after all.  I’m naturally very flexible, but when I realized the strength and mental focus it took to practice yoga, I saw a challenge.  When I learned the techniques, and saw the changes in my body and mind, I knew I was hooked.  After multiple surgeries, recoveries, etc. yoga is the thing I’ve always come back to.  That, and swimming are my sports.  I like them because they both essentially have no rules, you are interacting with yourself, moving through space fluidly.  They are both hugely peaceful activities, and sometimes that’s what type-A, anal-retentive bitches like me need.  When I told some co-workers that I was going to yoga tonight, they asked me about it, as people oft do.  I said, “Oh, I love it. I’m such an asshole if I don’t go.” And it’s true.  I’m a short-tempered ass because I don’t feel well.  Whatever yoga does for my body, it does as much for my mind and I cannot discount that connection.  When I’m stressed, I’m sick.  That’s how it’s always been, so when I finally wised-up and realized, “I need to find ways to de-stress,” I found my answer.  It’s great for my body too.  I sweat out all kinds of gunk, it helps my lupusy joints without putting too much strain on them, I get the good endorphins flowing.  In short, it makes me happier, healthier, and nicer.

     I do it even when I’m not feeling my best, because I know sitting on the couch ain’t gonna make my achy hip feel better.  It also stirs around my insides and releases some wicked gas sometimes.  If I don’t feel up to a class, I do some less-intense, gentle poses at home.  Meditation is also awesome.  It’s amazing what silencing those yappy voices in your head can do for your overall health.

     My first yoga teacher was a biomedical engineer (yowza!) and she did some research on my conditions and decided that inversions would be awesome for me.  I thought, “I will never be able to do that [stand on my head, handstand, etc.],” but it’s one of my favorite things to do now.  It gives you a crazy burst of energy.  Now, I suggest trying this under supervision and learning the techniques so you don’t hurt yourself.  Take a private yoga class if you can afford it, or find a donation-based studio in your area.  Always tell your teacher about your health history.  We get dehydrated fast, and they need to be privy to that.  You also need to avoid straining your abdominal area if you have a J-pouch.  This comes from the mouth of J-pouch Jesus himself (Dr. Bo Shen at Cleveland Clinic).  Most yoga poses utilize supportive abdominal muscles, but just chill during the crunch portion of class if you need to.

     In short, it’s the physical, but at least as much, if not more, the peacefulness and mental focus of yoga that help me.   I hope you’ll give it a try too.

Jackie & Lizz sweating their assess off in Texas (aug 2011)

Ok internet. I’m pissed. And I don’t just mean like…meh that angers me but I’m pissed off. In the last few months I have seen a lot of hatred among the IBD community towards each other, and specifically I mean two different cases of ostomates basically telling jpouchers to fuck off. I’m tired of holding my tongue and I’ve got some things to say about it.

I’ll make a list for you.

1. Whatever happened to just supporting each other? We’ve all fought horrific diseases and understand the journey we’ve all taken, so where does this divide come from? Its one of my missions to promote IBD awareness and a HUGE part of that is ostomy awareness. I love ostomates, why all of a sudden do I feel like the red headed step child of IBD now that I have a jpouch?

2. An ostomy is your choice, a jpouch was mine. Why have I seen ostomates putting down jpouchers for CHOOSING to have their takedown surgeries? Is this a simple lack of education or jealousy? Something else? I mean I understand many ostomates cannot have a jpouch, so your choices were different than mine. I don’t tell you what kinds of supplies you should be using because its different for everyone, just like the choice for a jpouch.

3. Jpouches fail. Frankly they fail more than I ever realized, but that still doesn’t mean that they all fail. To make blanket proclamations about “all jpouches” is completely asinine. Thats like saying all ostomates get strictures, or all ostomates will have a blockage. Sure its possible, but a guarantee? No way. I know an absurd amount of jpouchers, and they all have ran the gamut from happy/healthy, to sick, and even people with their pouches removed. I can safely say that in this amount, which again, is SO MANY, MOST are happy/healthy. Sure it may have taken some time to get there, but have you always been a happy/healthy ostomate? Doubtful. These diseases are tyrants, we all have to work to be where we are.

4. If you’ve never had a jpouch, shut your mouth about it. I had my ostomy for 15 months and that damn sure doesn’t make me an expert, but at least I’ve experienced it. Good and bad. Frankly, quit talking out of your stoma about things you’ll never experience.

5. Just because you have a blog, and people read it does not give you the right to spread completely false medical information. You are free to speak of your own experience until you’re blue in the face. But the second I start blogging about the statistics of epileptic seizures please stop reading. I don’t know a damn thing about that, and just because I have a lot of readers, it doesn’t give me the right to litter the internet and their screen with bullshit information.

6. Finally, it disgusts me that there is discrimination among people with IBD. Literally that is what it boils down to. Save your hate for the rest of the world, but our community should be based on love and support. Be angry with the people who don’t understand our lives and the way we live. Most importantly, instead of bad mouthing jpouchers, why don’t you show the world what a positive impact your ostomy has made on your life, and spend your time advocating for that instead of inflicting guilt on people who made other choices than you did.

Generally when I see completely barbaric posts on the internet, I tend to leave them alone, but this time I’m putting this moron on blast. Head on over to this tumblr blog and let this girl know how fantastically uninformed she is. Also keep your eye out for other anti-jpouchers, they aren’t that hard to uncover.

The great news is that the good people at GoodBelly have offered to do a giveaway here on my blog to one of my readers, so you can take the 12 day challenge on their dollar. More details about that to come later.