Dear Colitis,

You have really sucked up a lot of time in my life, but tonight I’m headed to Cleveland and I will be returning without you. Tomorrow I have a slew of appointments scheduled with a ton of doctors for make sure I’m surgery ready. You’ve done a lot of body destroying over the last year, and I’m still pretty pissed about that. You’re a real jerk. Well colitis, I’d love to say that you taught me a lot and its all been worth it…but thats a lie. I’ve met some great people and got a huge lesson in humility, but I still wish that you wouldn’t have picked on me. I was hoping we would have figured out a way to get along, but it appears as though you’re stupid and stubborn. So long. Jerk.

Love,

Jackie

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Dear Colon,

Hey, how ya been? Sick I would assume. Its been a long ride colon, we’ve know each other a long time here, over 25 years. I feel like we started out friends and over time…we just grew apart. You no longer give me what I need out of this relationship. I won’t really miss you, but chances are I’ll think of you everyday. The memories we’ve shared together. I’m gonna ask the surgeon to take a few pictures of you..maybe even a video. Weird, I know. But seeing pictures turned out to be a great learning tool for me when I started this process. Hopefully someone else will get the same benefit. Plus I want to see how sick you really are. Anyhoo, I gotta get going. Peace out, I hope you have fun the bio-hazard waste party.

Love,

Jackie

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Dear Butt,

Good news! You get to take a HUGE break for a while. I know you’ve been workin really hard lately, and I appreciate that. So you know, enjoy your vacation. I hope you get to do some fun stuff. Perhaps have a few margaritas or something. I dunno…can butts do that? Probably not. Well thats pretty much all I’ve got for now. We’ll reconvene at a later date when you need to get my ass back to working. Literally, like the plumbing and what not.

Love,

Jackie

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