Ok. So You’ve all read me complain about being fat now…for months. I was watching this program on TV the other night about mega weight loss people, people who have lost 100+ pounds. While their stories were super inspiring because if their fat asses can do it, so can I, it was also terrifying. After watching fatty after fatty drop down to their goal weights, I saw what the weight loss did to their bodies. And holy hell. It pretty much scared me skinny. I wish. But I realized that the fatter I get, that if I ever lose this crap one day I could be stuck with one of those crazy “I lost a lot of weight” stomachs. See exhibit A.

Exhibit A

So here I am. Days before surgery, taking measurements, and researching how I can get skinny and not look like that. Yikes. Daunting. Taking measurements of myself is like a shock back into reality. I’ve seen the scale, I know what it says, but when you can’t get the measuring tape around you and you have to guess what you’re measurements are…thats embarrassing.

So heres the deal people. I realistically need to lose about 50 pounds to be in a healthy weight for my 5’2 frame. I can’t believe I’m doing this, but shit if it worked for Perez Hilton, its gotta be the best way. I currently weigh 182bs. That weight is starting to take a toll on me, and while I’m angry that most of that weight is due to colitis and what its done to me, I also know its my fault too. I have put on 50 lbs in the last year, and lost about 20lbs. When I was my heaviest earlier this year, I weighed 197lbs. That was terrifying as I was pushing 2bills. So I have resolved to tell you all more of my business that you don’t need to know, so that way I can embarrass myself skinny.

I have a “30 before 30” list, and on that list, is to run a 5K. Good news is I’m only 25 so I’ve got time, bad news is I’m fat now so I think thats an appropriate goal. More bad news is I’ve got 2 surgeries to combat some training, plus a year of immobility. So a year from now I’d like to run a 5K. I’m giving myself a year. A year in which I will probably start grad school, and also start for the first time in a long time, healthy.

In between surgery #2 and #3 I have signed up for 2 classes through community ed, one is a basic walking classes which I’m sure will be filled with people over 60, and another is a yoga and weight training class which will be filled with moms who just had kids. I’m also most positive. My goal is to lose a good amount of weight before surgery #3. Considering I’ll be back to eating jello and soup for a while, I think that could happen.

So there you go internet. This fat girl wants to be skinny, so much so that I’ve told you all a woman’s biggest secret. So lets hope in a few hours I don’t come back here and take this post off and pretend like it never happened.

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