I’m mad that its almost November and I’m making an order to Edgepark, who is my supply company. I’m mad that I was going to be done with all of this shit next month. I rarely think about it, and I rarely acknowledge the fact that in less than a month I would have been ostomy free, but right now I am. I’m still mad/bitter/sad/ect.  The last few weeks I dont know if I’m getting lazy or what, but I’ve had 2 leaks. This is starting to drain on me, and I’m still not done. I have 4 more months to lose 20lbs and to have surgery.

I also got into grad school…so I have no clue…no clue at all, how this is all going to work with having a surgery in late Feb or early March. I dont even know if I should go to school. But I can’t get a job because no one will hire me with these surgeries so close. School is going be a 1.5 year commitment. And its going to cost a lot of money…Is it better to just skip school, and wait out these surgeries and get a job? I dont’ know yet. I just don’t know. I wan to go to school, but I feel like I’m getting greedy in life. I want my health and a masters degree? Get outta here. I’m pretty sure I’ve never had both of those things actually. I mean I got diagnosed with MS my last semester of my undergrad…and a few years later…here I am.  I mean the idea of starting school seems more realistic now that I won’t have UC to cause me issues….but what if I have pouch problems? I mean its easier to skip class than it is work…but class = money. If I drop out of school because I get sick again…thats all wasted money.

 

ugh.

 

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