I went back and started reading some older posts from before my first surgery. I’m kinda hilarious. But anyhoo, I came across this entry. I was talking about my normal, and the “what if’s” of surgery. I wrote this at the end:
What if the recovery is WAY harder than I expect?
What if my pouch fails and I’m stuck with a permanent bag?
What if I regret my decision?
Why is it never…”what if this is the best decision I’ll ever make?”
I’m hoping that this will be the best thing I do for myself, because I can’t picture a lifetime of my “normal”. Its just getting to be too much to take.
I stopped right there and had to blog this right away. I recently was writing out my xmas cards and the insert about my year for friends and family. I literally wrote this word for word:
After my first surgery, life changed. It changed in a few really awful ways, but mostly in really amazing ways. I was happier, healthier, had more energy and could really live my life again. In hindsight, that surgery was the best decision I ever made.
No matter how much I read, or talked to other people, I NEVER would have believed I would have ever said that. But its true. So if I don’t get a chance to blog before the holiday, I hope you all have a great holiday. And that you remember that many of us have lots of shit to deal with, that we’re all doing it for a better life. I’m still trying to create my new “normal”. And I do believe I will get there some day, because I have also learned that “normal” changes from one chapter in our lives to another.