Given my hiatus of blogging….I figured lets jump right back into it. After all, I feel like I can tell you anything Internet. I know it will stay just between you and me.
Lets rewind for a while, while I give you all far more information about me than you’d ever want to know. Many moons ago, I was on the regular garden variety birth control. One day I noticed that I passed a whole pill through my ileostomy…and I promptly FREAKED THE FUCK OUT. I don’t need any storks dropping by my casa. So I talked to my doctor and switch the to NuvaRing. Fast forward to my last surgery and Dr. Remzi took it upon himself to remove the ring, and not tell me. So my cycle was all off cycle, ya know. So…in the process of cycling…during my recovery I had the joy of a 3 week period. Awesome. During this time…I realized…Hey, my vag is totally smaller now. Not smaller opening, but smaller inside. Weird. Shocking…like usual NO ONE at Cleveland has mentioned this could be an issue. So I did what any self respecting 20-something would do. GOOGLED IT. Turns out…YEA lots of women have this issue. So I call Vicki and she says, Psh no one ever has that issue. Awesome.
But it was very clear that all my junk was not in the right spots or whatever. So I made an appointment with my lady doctor and had her invade my personal bubble and check it out. She said oh yea, your vagina is tilted now. Awesome. So then came the questions in the form of verbal vomit. They pretty much came out something like this: What about sex? I mean can I have sex? Like what if it hurts during sex? Will it hurt during sex? When can I have sex? CAN I EVER HAVE SEX AGAIN? WOMAN ANSWER ME.
Basically she said, “Uh, I don’t know”. She told me she thought all my parts would eventually get back to normal, and essentially if not…get on top. I know, she seriously said that.
So in the process of freaking out about this..I told a bunch of my close girlfriends about this. Even now…a few weeks later…I’m still getting questions like, “hey, hows your vag? Did it get bigger yet?”. Yup, this is my life.
Fast forward to now…it is technically 2 weeks before I’m supposed to resume any activities….of any kind. Lets just say…the eagle has landed…and it was a smooth landing. I’m not sure what that means for shoving other things up there like the NuvaRing, but I’d venture to say that I’ll tell you about it when it happens.
Jeez Internet, I’m so glad we can talk so openly.