I left the hospital not taking any pain killers, and didn’t need them at all yesterday. I forgot that being out of the hospital means moving more, hence…needing to take a single oxy today. Pretty dang good. I’m just sore and its not so much that I really hurt, it is more that its a discomfort.

Since I’ve been home that serious gas pain has almost stopped. Without that discomfort the mini leakages I’ve had have pretty much stopped. This morning I was feeling pretty good, and a few hours after I woke up, I got up off the couch to go to the bathroom and I felt like it was going to start to leak. I’ve been wearing a pad at night to cover that leakage. I stood up and it started and there was nothing I could do to stop it.  ugh.

I went into the bathroom to see the damage, which wasn’t that bad, but still not great. I had been feeling really good and confident about my ability to hold and control my bum, but today was a minor set back. It just reminded me not to get ahead of myself and there is still some healing. It grounded me a bit. Not that I was getting over confident or anything, but it just let me know that I’m still healing.  I am healing in all ways. I left the hospital feeling like a different person. Its cliches and weird but kinda true. Like I feel “normal” again but I still know that I’m not. I just don’t wear it on my stomach anymore. I think people just assume that I am a-ok and everything is great again. I know I have some work to do, a learning curve to get this thing to work right. Its really weird feeling like you have to get to know yourself again. How long does it take food to travel through me? What can I eat? Should I eat after 7? I don’t fraakin know anymore.

This is a bit of a scattered post but I have a lot of things I’ve been thinking about lately. But overall, I think I’m doing well. No real pain. No urgency for the most part. Probably about 6 or so BMs today.  So far, so good.