*NBD means “No Big Deal” for all you oldies  🙂

Hey guys. So whats up? Not much here. Just livin’ the disabled dream, hanging out, living on unemployment, and going to school. Oh hey, I did get a job which is cool. I’m having a tummy tuck. My job is awesome it’s a graduate assistant position through my school, so they’re going to pay my tuition. That’s rad, right? Other than that, not a whole lot happening. Pretty lame actually….

So yea. I haven’t been honest with you internet…well I’ve been honest I guess, I’ve just withheld information. But I have good reason…Sooo I’m having a tummy tuck. On Tuesday…like…5 days away Tuesday. And I didn’t tell you because I’ve been super duper conflicted about it. I’m actually sorta embarrassed about it, and I feel like people will think I’m vain and frivolous and completely ridiculous. Not to mention if I’ve made it this far, and then I die on the table during my elective tummy tuck, won’t that make me look like a dumb dumb. But because I’ve based this blog on telling the truth, I figured I couldn’t hide this from you all because chances are, there is someone out there who has contemplated this surgery. To start, my stomach is a mess. I have all kinds of stomach shapes, that just look like a jumbled mess. Not to mention a boat load of stretch marks, which are never going away. And these stretch marks aren’t just the cute little “I had a baby” marks, these are the giant “I was on steroids” marks, that are like an inch wide and super deep. And now that I’ve lost weight they are wrinkling. It’s all kinds of sexy. I’ve talked to my personal trainer, and my plastic surgeon and BOTH told me that no matter how hard I try, my stomach will never reduce in size to due to stretch marks. There are just too many, that are too deep. (Thanks a lot prednisone.) A few months ago, I went to my plastic surgeon to see what my options were, and he basically told me the tummy tuck is the only thing that would help.

So here are the perks:

Look a Tummy Tuck Drawing made in Paint

1. Remove stomach corner.

2. Remove weird swirly scar that sits above the skin.

3. Actually have a belly button again that isn’t frowning.

4. Remove a significant amount of stretch marks.

5. Chop off fat and maybe be skinny again.

6. Legitimately feel better about myself.

What I’m having a hard time explaining to people is that its not about my scars. I like my scars. Its the stretch marks. For whatever reason those carry shame for me. I’m embarrassed about those. My scars are like battle wounds, and the stretch marks just say “I used to be REALLY fat”. If stretch marks represented sickness, that would be different, but they don’t. I also feel like people will think I’m vain or conceited. In fact, its the exact opposite. Sure, I’m glad I’m alive, but my stomach is a hot mess. Its embarrassing. I’m 27 years old and god forbid I might want to wear a bikini some day. Not to mention my perma-muffin-top. I have so much extra skin from my weight gain, that my pants don’t fit, because they are all too big, and I can’t wear a belt because it just squeezes into the fat and makes me look even fatter. So either my pants fall down, or I look fat. Lose/Lose.

Then I think there are people who are all “I’m alive. I would never have another surgery again unless I needed one. That shit cray cray.” I’m just not that person. I know that elective surgery seems a little nuts at this point, but the reality is, we’re never out of the dark. Surgery is always looming no matter how healthy we are. Besides, this is one that I get to choose. Its my choice.

So here are the cons:

1. Its an extra surgery.

2. Insurance doesn’t cover it.

3. …?

I’ve debated this a long time, and even though I’m a little afraid of what people will think about me…I’m still doing it. I don’t think everyone will understand, but thats ok. Besides, when I’m all winning hot body contests on

spring break in Cabo, you can all suck it.*

* I would never A) Enter a hot body contest. B) go to spring break in Cabo, and C) ever say “suck it” in real life.