Today, I hate everyone who told me to do this. What fresh hell is this? I realized that for bowel surgeries on day three I’m normally floating away on dilaudid. This makes having my colon removed look like a cake walk.

I have been coughing up phlegm since surgery (sexy, huh) and those deep repetitive coughs just result in pain. Then I puked this morning which felt like i had little butterflies fluttering across my belly. No. That’s a lie. It felt like I was trying to cough my small intestine out of my mouth uncontrollably. And now that I have had a tummy tuck, I consider my self an expert, I have diagnosed myself with extra swelling from the coughing/puking. So this means that the fancy binder I’m supposed to wear, is borderline painful. So I put it on for a while and take short breaks with it off. My doc said this morning when I called him, that it’s just for support, but I still want to wear it as much as I can.

The pain is slightly out of control. I have percocets but since I couldn’t poop, I wasnt taking as many. Well that has resulted in good ol’ fashioned pain. I would imagine this is what natural childbirth feels like except only if you were birthing an infant elephant. And it’s not vag pain, it’s in the belly region. I can’t seem to get comfortable so that’s annoying. So I kinda just sit here, in pain, hoping someone will comment on my Facebook page so I can work on not punching myself in the face.

All you ladies who were interested in this procedure I’m not telling you to skip it. I am telling you that what was once a perk, (1 night in the hospital) is now a little mini personal nightmare. So I guess just be prepared for that. Also don’t puke, ever. And when you drop milk of magnesium on your bathroom floor, call your mom to come pick it up. She’s more than happen to drive 45 min to help.