Sometimes I forget that I have another disease. It rarely bothers me, and I am SO thankful for that. But…after a long complicated process I’ve decided I should probably take a medication for my MS. MS medications are really stupid because all but one of them involves needles. I tried the one oral med out there and what a shocker, I was in the 2 % of people it doesn’t work out for. So after a long chat with my neurologist, we decided that I should just take the injections until next year when more oral meds are approved. The injections are just sub-q, so they aren’t a big deal and I decided to just be a big girl and do them. In the past I would be really good but the second an excuse came up not to take them, I just wouldn’t. So my neuro gave me a stern talking to and said that we’d only use this med if I would be diligent about taking it and I said “I totally will. I’m a big girl now. Obvi.”
Well here I am, 9:00pm of day two….finding excuses why I should not do it after a whole day of procrastinating. The injection doesn’t hurt, but it burns like heparin afterwards and then it leaves a lump for a few days. So its dumb. It would be like continuing to punch yourself in the head over and over and then making yourself do it again even though your bloody lip and bruised cheeks haven’t healed.
What I have learned from my arguments with injections is that its more a mental battle than anything else. I can do it, I will do it, but I try really hard to talk myself out of it. The reality is that I had a pretty bad relapse last year, (remember that whole “I want to die” thing), and that scared the shit out of me because it made me really remember that not only did I have MS, but when it rears its ugly face it shuts down my life. I am usually so consumed with my ass, that I forget that MS means, not walking, or not seeing, and losing my sense of touch, etc. So I decided after that, that I was going to take a medication and stick with it and at least say I was doing all I could to prevent further attacks…I would say that I did that about 50%.
So anyway, I guess I’m sharing this with you because I’m just conflicted about it. Its kinda bringing me down. Bummin’ me out. But we do what we have to do right? Sometimes that means jabbing yourself with a needle daily. So feel free to post on my facebook wall daily reminding me to stop procrastinating and grow the crap up. Errrybody…