I write about my health because… Reflect on why you write about your health for 15-20 minutes without stopping.
I write about my health because I like to talk about myself. No seriously, I kinda think that being chronically ill makes you a slight narcissist. People are constantly asking you, “How are you doing?”, “How do you feel?”, “When is your next surgery?”, ect. It seems like people don’t generally understand what is wrong with me, so when they ask questions I just end up talking about myself even more.
Through all of this I’ve realized that not only am I pretty good at educating those around me, but I really like to do it. I started this blog (and my other blog about MS) because I saw a void in the “market”. A few years ago when I started BPT there weren’t a lot of other blogs about having a jpouch. I remember when I googled “jpouch” I literally got 2 or 3 hits. In the whole wide internet, 2 or 3. I was constantly searching for information, and people to talk to and I found nothing. To top that off, what I did find was either so covered in rainbows and unicorns it made me want to puke, or it was so depressing I wanted to dye my hair black and cry black tears all over my Bright Eyes t-shirt. I felt like there had to be a better way to connect with people.
I created BPT as a way to tell my story, but hopefully so that it would help some people. Through that process, I have not only done that, but made it a life goal to advocate for IBD and ostomy related issues. This disease and this blog changed my life. So I try to do what I do best. I talk about myself…a lot. I tell my story, the stories of my friends, and I research. I spend a lot of time learning about different aspects of jpouches and ostomies because I want to show everyone that I don’t just talk about this because I lived it, but because I actually know what I’m talking about. There is nothing that frustrates me more than people who are not educated about their diseases. If it takes me shoving facts down their throats to get them educated and in turn keep them healthy, I will do it.
As you may have noticed, I also feel that blunt honesty is really important. IBD issues can be a really scary path to wander down, and I’ve found that doctors tend to leave out some of the most important things. I think that it is important to have an overall positive outlook when you’re traveling this road, but we all have shitty days. Sometimes really shitty things happen (literally), and I’m not going to sugar coat my life for anyone. I want to show people that things can be awful, you can hit rock bottom …you can want to die…..and you will still be OK.
I used to tell people that I didn’t care if anyone read my blog, that I was doing this to help myself. I think that has changed though. I WANT people to read my blog. I want to find people. I want to help them, educate them, and hell, maybe even encourage or inspire them. There is a lot more pressure now (from myself) to continue to make BPT relevant and successful because I am hoping that I can become a valid resource for future, current, or past jpouchers. I know that you can’t see this internet, but I’m getting all teary over here. Writing for BPT is so important to me, and the little impact that I have on the world is so dang rewarding. I won’t lie. I write this blog for selfish reasons. When I am having really rough times, I know you guys will always be there to pick me up. I have an amazing invisible support network in you, Internet. You listen to me when I’m up and down, and when I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. And right when I feel like I don’t want to continue writing anymore because I tell myself that it’s not important, I get an email. Or a comment. Or a facebook post. And I am reminded that I am not alone, and that I need you all more than you will ever need me. So again, selfishly, I write this blog because it helps me and hopefully it helps other people too.