Write a haiku about your health focus. 5 syllables/7 syllables/5 syllables. Write as many as you like.

I will not be writing a haiku. I think I learned to write those in about 5th grade and I hated them back then. So instead, I’m going to talk about my favorite poet/writer.

If you don’t know Dorothy Parker, you need to. And if you do know of her, you need to be able to quote her.

If there was a lady of history who could teach me a think or two about wit and cynicism, it would be Dorothy Parker. A member of the Algonquin Round Table, and a literary badass. Dorothy was just another reason why the 1920s were totally rad.

Here is a quote about her from wikipedia ” A fixture of 1920s literary society known for her acerbic wit and low opinion of romantic relationships, she became a member of the famous Algonquin Round Table.”

See? She and I would have been BFF.

Here is one of my fav D.P. poems.

Razors pain you; Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren’t lawful; Nooses give;
Gas smells awful; You might as well live.

I swear you will love her as much as I do. This woman is intelligent, inspiring, and full of the bravery rarely saw in ladies during this time period. If I could have dinner with one person dead or alive, it wouldn’t be Dorothy Parker. Oh no. I would take her to a bar and we’d get shit canned. That’s just the kind of lady she was.

If you’re looking for some of the most bitchin’ quotes in the history of time, check out these.

I almost forgot how much I love her until I wrote this post.