Ok, maybe not quite. But who doesn’t love a good Billy Madison quote?

Self admittedly, we are a people obsessed with poop. That’s right, I just called us a people. Add it to the census questionnaires. But I digress. So yes, poop obsessed people. And who can blame us? It controlled our life, and to a large extent, it still does. When we tell “others” about our issues, it’s poop they fixate on. But IBD and the treatments can have a ripple effect into all other kinds of bodily systems as well.

I recently received my first reader email from a fellow IBD bro. Let’s call him OP, for Optimus Prime (total badass bro). So OP recently had a total protocolectomy, and is now having urination issues from the swelling in his pelvic region. OP claims a lack of strength on his stream, which is causing it to go everywhere but the toilet. OP is wondering if it gets better.

Well OP, Guy J. Pouch is not a doctor. But from one bro to another, hang in there, it should get better. As the swelling goes down, things will start to work more “normally”. (Notice the quotes, we are not normal; we are medical marvels. And like the honey badger, we are bad-ass.) I remember after surgery, I had a hard time emptying my bladder in one fail swoop. But you eventually get there.

However for Guy J. Pouch, post-surgical urination issues are plentiful. You see, the anesthesia they gave me in surgery, combined with the high-strength pain killers, keeps me from peeing after surgery — for days. When I’m cath’ed it’s no problem. But you know doctors, they want to take you off of everything ASAP. So despite my incessant pleas for mercy to keep my cath in a little longer, they pull it, and I cannot urinate on my own. And like clockwork, my bladder fills, overflows, and I’m screaming out at the top of my lungs in what can only be described as speaking in tongue as if I were the devil himself.

But here I am, 8 months out of surgery, and I’m doing better than ever. So OP, hang in there, or talk to your surgeon (that’s what you pay them for)!

Do you have any quirks post-surgery? Leave them in the comments below.

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