I have seen a lot of women talk about how their jpouches go completely out of whack when they are on their period. I, too, am one of those women. I understand that my uterus and my jpouch share the same real estate, but they just cannot seem to get along…at all. They remind me of two siblings sitting in the back of a mini van on a long road trip, and one yells out “She’s touching me”. I get it…you two are touching each other …all the time. But can’t we all just get a long?

This is what I imagine the toddler inside of me looks like

I think this sibling rivalry going on in my lower abdomen is what causes my jpouch to turn into an unruly toddler. I seriously feel like I have an unpredictable 2-year-old living inside of me. My jpouch throws tantrums which make me late for things, specifically work in the morning because for whatever reason it has an issue with mornings. My jpouch is generally a total rock star, but in the morning it’s so indecisive. I feel like I empty 3+ times within an hour span in the morning, but ONLY in the morning. The rest of the day is totally fine. I feel like this is totally aggravated by my pissed off teenager of a uterus.

So I have a teenage girl…and a toddler sharing my abdomen, clearly it is a recipe for disaster. The toddler throws a fit, the teenager gets all pissed off because as the oldest she never gets anything. The toddler gets all of my time, love and affection. I spend all my time bragging about the toddler, how great it is and how it’s getting along so well with my other organs. And the teenager is just something I ignore until it causes me some discomfort. Ugh. …kids.

I’ve realized that I think about my jpouch and refer to it like a foreign entity in my body. It’s almost like a prosthetic arm or something… it’s just a piece of me that I know is different and functions independently of what I really want it to do. I swear sometimes it has its own brain, which is why I think of it as just something living inside me. Does this make sense? Does anyone else feel that way? I think this is probably why I say “empty my pouch” versus “take a shit”. You guys know me, you know I like colorful words but it doesn’t really fit. For me, my jpouch is basically like how my ostomy was but on the inside. I don’t think about it as apart of my body but as something that helps me. It’s a device. I’m not sure any of this makes any sense.

On that note…my toddler is starting to yell at me. Hopefully I’ll have something worth reading next time.