Supporting the Colitis, Crohn's, ostomy and J-Pouch community one butt joke at a time



WEGO Prompt: You think you know, but you have no idea.

This goes out to all of you lurking on this site and others like it, who have not had surgery yet. Those who swear they will NEVER have surgery. Those who would rather live in agony than live with a bag for a few months or forever.

So you think you know what it’s like to live with an ostomy as I’m sure you’ve seen it on Grey’s Anatomy once or something and you think that there is no greater death sentence in life than living with a shit bag attached to your side. No way. Gross. You’d rather die. Your IBD isn’t bad enough for an ostomy anyway.

Sound about right?

Listen to me when I say you really truly have no idea. I’m not going to tell you how it will change your life for the better, and you’ll be happier and healthier…because you won’t believe me. For whatever reason, non-ostomates think that those with ostomies are running this huge conspiracy to sucker everyone else into having surgery. Then when you get the ostomy, the ostomates will say “HAHA SUCKA. Now you’re one of us and you get to hate every day of your long long life”. You’ll spend the rest of your lives trying to convince people to get ostomies so they can be as miserable as you are. It’s a vicious cycle.

Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? Think for just a hot second that perhaps all of those people with ostomies out there who tell you they are thankful for it, might actually be telling the truth. When they say they got their freedom back and the ability to live their lives again….that it isn’t some ludicrous story they tell everyone.

I swear to you that no one who has an ostomy really wanted it. No one slammed through the door of colorectal surgeons office, demanded to see the surgeon, and then said with tears in their eyes, “There is nothing that I want more in life than an ostomy. Please make my life’s dream come true and cut out my organs and reroute my intestines to my stomach. This is my hearts desire. Grant me this one wish and I will forever live in a state of pure happiness”.

What I’m trying to say is that no one wanted the damn thing, but yet here they all are telling you it will be the best decision you ever made. These people have been to hell and back, they wouldn’t lie to you. I wouldn’t lie to you.

Think of an ostomy like a puppy. (Here she goes with analogies again). You love your puppy and a lot of the time it brings some joy to your life, and you’re happy to have the little guy. But what you didn’t realize when you got it, is how much it shits. It shits all over your house, and frankly you’re tired of cleaning up its shit. You get super frustrated with your puppy because it doesn’t know any better, but its not doing what you want it to do. Sometimes you just have to laugh at how ridiculous the whole situation it. You laugh at yourself and your puppy because even though you love it it can drive you nuts, but at the end of the day you’re happy you have your puppy and that it helps to make you happy.

Current music: Holding out for a hero – Bonnie Tyler (80’s are awesome playlist)

#HAWMC Day 7 – Health Activist Choice!

Write about what you want today.

The Out-Sick-You Person

There is this certain level of comfort when you meet someone else who has had similar heath experiences as you. You share this instant bond and feel like you could tell each other anything. At least that is how it almost always goes for me….until I meet this person. The out-sick-you person. The person who has had one more test than you, one more PICC line than you have, and shit their pants just last week. That’s how sick they are. If there is one thing that I hate about the sick person community it is the out-sick-you person. There is a fine line between sharing your experiences, which may or may not be worse than the person you’re talking to, and literally trying to out do them.

Granted we have all met that person with UC or Crohn’s who is perfectly fine. They take their 9 pills of Asacol a day and never have to think twice about how UC effects their life. Now I will out-sick that person. For sure. If you’re reading this blog, chances are you could too. However it is my opinion that if you’re here, reading this (and you’re not my Mom), that you’ve ran the sick person gauntlet too. You’ve been to hell and back and maybe you NEVER had a damn PICC line, but who cares?

I’ll admit that I get a little jealous when I meet people who had really simple 2-step procedures over a 3 month span. My surgery sequence was not that “easy”. What does “easy” really mean when it involves removing a major organ? I forget that sometimes those procedures were done due to emergency, or other factors. I forget that my surgeries took 4 steps and 15 months because, I too, had complications.

I’ll also admit that I have been the out-sick-you girl in the past. I used to blurr the line between telling my story and giving constructive information and just spilling every detail of my disease. Doing this usually always produces some kind of “ooh” and “ahh” and probably even a compliment on “how strong” I am. Its a confidence booster. Its like walking along a busy road in a bathing suit. You’re probably going to get a whistle or two….but the quality of the whistler comes into play here. Its one thing to illicit compliments from people who are totally removed from this whole world of IBD surgeries. Its totally different to try to get the same thing, from people who have experienced the same sickness.

Sometimes I feel like when I meet the out-sick you person, its like talking to an insecure teenage girl. “Yes you are sooo pretty.” “No you’re not fat.” “Your IBD was so much worse than mine.” You’re never going to be able to convey that being the sicker of two people is never a good thing. Perhaps its just best to stroke their sickly egos and tell them they were SO much sicker than you were and be done with it.

I mean maybe I’m talking out of my ass, but have you met this person? Have you been the out-sick you person?

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