I suppose an effect of being diagnosed with UC.(and then later getting a Jpouch) is that I have essentially become poop obsessed. I’m not sure if this is a natural progression for people or if its just a me thing, but I’m always checking out my poop when I can. I think this probably started from my ostomy days, but since then its changed into checking out my daily poops and has even progressed one step further: checking out my dogs’ poop.

With this much focus on poop, I have started to develop a bit of poop jealousy of my niece.

And things just got weird.

OK, shes two, not-quite potty trained and I’ve been changing her diapers since she was an infant. Only two months after her birth I had my colectomy, so I’ve been noticing her poop since the day she was born. This kid has perfect poops. Little rabbit-sized nuggets that are all perfect and formed. Its like the God of Poop gave her this gift in order to maliciously laugh in my face. In her two years upon this planet, not only is she brilliant, adorable, and entertaining, but she can also poop like a champ. She is like me but tiny, more energetic and still has her colon intact. Her whole colon! C’mon I can’t compete with that!

Instant jealousy.

A long time ago, I came to terms with the fact that I’d never have a solid poop again, but it almost seems like I’m being haunted by solid poop. Instead of walking through the halls of my school in my underwear, my dreams involve the beautiful sensation of a solid shit. Now I guess I would think about solid poops a lot less if I actually cleaned up the dog shit in the backyard (my fault). And perhaps when my niece starts using the big-girl potty I might feel less intimated by her perfectly formed logs. But I don’t think that my poop jealousy will ever really go away.

So … that’s what I’ve been thinking about today…