Search

Supporting the Colitis, Crohn's, ostomy and J-Pouch community one butt joke at a time

Tag

toilet paper

Hiking Big Bend National Park, New Years 2013

Hey Friends. I have been pretty MIA lately due to a busy life, a growing non-profit and an active social life. All of which wouldn’t be possible with my awesome jpouch. I put it to the ultimate test a few weeks ago though when I went on a 3 day, 4 night hiking trip at Big Bend National Park in Texas.

Continue reading “Hiking Big Bend National Park, New Years 2013”

Guest Post: Justin Berkman Goes Abroad

Justin in Egypt
Justin in Egypt

Traveling with a J-Pouch can be nerve-racking and a tad more difficult than it is for healthy-coloned folks, but from my personal experience, J-Pouch travel is infinitely easier and more pleasurable than traveling with active ulcerative colitis. I would compare traveling with UC to getting a colonoscopy with absolutely no pain medication or anesthetics while traveling with a J-Pouch is like getting a routine pouchoscopy.

As a comedian, I spend a great deal of time on the road. My last UC flare began in the spring of 2008 and continued until I underwent my first surgery in December of 2010. Even though I feel incredibly grateful that people pay me to tell jokes, my “business” trips were not that fun during those two and a half years. Often, to get to my gigs, I have to take two flights, then rent a car, and then drive two to four hours to reach my destination. Doing these marathon trips while experiencing intense stomach pain and defecating 30 times per day was pretty brutal. There would be times when, after the plane landed, I had to push old women aside as I made a mad dash to the nearest toilet. There were tons of uncomfortable and worrisome moments, but a few will always stick out in my mind.

I’ll never forget the time I was driving from Albany, NY to Canton, NY, when I was in the middle of nowhere and I knew that I only had minutes (if that) to reach a restroom. I’m sweating, clenching every muscle I could possibly clench, and envisioning the worst-case scenario. Thankfully, I spot a gas station, do that uncomfortable walk/run while attempting to keep my butthole closed and just make it to the facilities, barely avoiding having to get the rental car detailed. I know I’ll never make a more satisfying trip to a gas station bathroom. Then, there was the time when I was driving from Milwaukee, WI to LaCrosse, WI and faced a very similar situation. On this occasion, I found myself running through a fancy hotel, hoping to make it to a toilet before I soiled the marble floors of the hotel lobby. I think many of you know that having UC involves a series of close calls and unfortunate mishaps.

A few months ago, I was asked to go on an overseas tour of the Middle East to entertain the troops during the holidays. I would be going to Lebanon, Jordan, Turkey, and Egypt. I immediately accepted and was excited about the opportunity. Since my J-Pouch surgeries, I have resumed my frequent travel schedule and I haven’t had any real problems while traveling. However, all my trips had been domestic and I was aware that I had to take extra precautions with international travel. I would be going to places where the food and water have wrecked the stomachs of people without my issues, and I would be visiting countries where there probably wouldn’t be a surgeon or doctor around who knew anything about J-Pouches.

I returned from my twelve day trip on Friday, and I’m happy to report that I’m doing just fine. I made sure to pack everything that could help me if any J-Pouch related issues arose. I brought Lomotil, Immodium, Cipro, Protonix, and my butt-burn ointment. Because I performed at the American embassy in Lebanon and on military bases in Jordan, Turkey, and Egypt, I had American medical personnel available if I ran into any issues. Also, the military has evacuation plans in place if you run into a serious medical problem so that they can get you to a hospital that can provide adequate care. I avoided drinking the water and tried to only eat foods that I thought were safe.

557249_10100463851943783_443900633_n
Making the locals angry!

My trip wasn’t completely problem-free. I experienced some stomach pain that was alleviated after I popped a Protonix and got some serious butt-burn. However, I was more than willing to experience some butt-burn in exchange for such a remarkable, fun, and fulfilling trip. I was able to snorkel in the Red Sea, visit the place where Jesus was baptized, do some karaoke with Russian tourists in Egypt, and joke around with a two-star general from New Zealand. More importantly, I was able to meet and entertain hundreds of troops who were incredibly appreciative to be able to see some comedy while they were away from their friends and families over the holidays. So, even though I became a little worried when the troops stationed in Sharm Al Sheikh, Egypt told me that the food they ate there had given them what came to be known as the “Sharm Shits”, I was confident that the “UC Shits” were much worse and I’d survive if I was to be afflicted with this unfortunate ailment.

If any of you are contemplating any sort of trip or excursion, but are concerned about traveling with a J-Pouch, I strongly encourage you to go on your adventure. Although I still worked as a touring comedian while I had active UC, ulcerative colitis robbed me of so much and kept me at home and in pain way too often. Now that I have a J-Pouch, I am unwilling to let my health situation deter me from living the life I desire (I try to avoid doing anything too stupid, though). I feel like I’ve been given a new opportunity and another chance to truly live. I want to make sure that I take full advantage.

Check out what Justin has wrote for BPT in the past.

 

Post for The Gutsy Generation

I have been asked many times why I am an advocate or why I spend my free time and money on raising awareness for IBD. I have a long winded, drawn out answer for this question and depending on my audience it can be really inspiring and technical, or loaded with swear words and jokes. I like to think that I understand my audiences. I have this same strategy when people ask me what a Jpouch is. I have loaded responses ready to be verbally vomited into the ear canal of the unsuspecting question asker. Depending who asks, they will either get my medical jargon-ed response, or something about how my colon is gone, yadda yadda, new internal plumbing, yadda yadda, wham bam poop chute answer. I’m really quite eloquent with words.

Read the rest of this post at The Gutsy Generation!!

Guest Post: FAP Explained

Something that I don’t know enough about is FAP. So many IBDers and people with FAP cross paths due to ostomies, but I never actually learned about FAP. So….here is some info on FAP.


Currently looking for someone to do a guest post on their experiences with FAP.

What is the best nation?

A Donation.

I heard that from a homeless guy in downtown Detroit once. I thought it was clever. Clever enough for a buck.

I was asked recently if I take donations for my site. I didn’t…but not because I’m against money but because I never thought about it. So I set up a donations button through Pay Pal and slapped it on the right side column of my blog. Now lets be clear, I am not ASKING for donations. In fact, I think that sites like mine that ASK for them is kinda weird and I’m all “what the hell are they spending money on anyway”.

It does cost money to run this site, not a lot, but since I’m living on grilled cheese as it is, it is enough to be significant in my life. So what I’m saying is, if anyone out there feels so inclined and wants to pay my mortgage, who am I to stop them? I mean really, that would be rude.

Also in case you’re wondering my mortgage is about $400/mo. So cheap, right? Wouldn’t break the bank for you at all. KIDDING.

No seriously, the idea of accepting money from strangers to pay for hosting and what not on my site is a weird thing for me and makes me mildly feel uncomfortable. But I wouldn’t have made it possible if someone didn’t ask me to do it.

Stop being all judgy. And start being more spendy. Kidding. Again.

 

 

#HAWMC Day 13 – Things I Couldn’t Live Without.

Write a list of the 10 things you need (or love) most.


1. My Family

I’ve gushed a million times about my family. They’re awesome. ’nuff said.

2. My dogs

These two little shits bring me so much joy and happiness. They are the 2 boys in my life who never let me down, except when they shit or puke on the carpet. Other than that, they’re perfect. And so adorable. Look at their widdle faces.

3. My computer

I am a tech junkie. My life revolves around my iMac, iPhone, iPad, MacMini, Flip Cam and wireless everything, blah blah blah. I have dual monitors everywhere I go and I love it.


4. Cushy toilet paper

Welcome to my bathroom. This is what I use. Its fan-freaking-tastic. Charmin should sponsor this blog. Right this second. You hear that Charmin?

5. Grammar

Ok so I have a ton of typos because I’m too impulsive to send things to my fab editor friends, but I fucking love grammar. I fucking hate when people don’t know how to use it. I also hate when people say things like “ur”, and “y?”. Spell out the god damned word! You’re, Your, Their, There, They’re, To, Too, Two, Know, No, Whole, Hole, and every other stupid mistake people make because they’re all stupid.

6. Calmoseptine

A cool minty breeze on your butt hole. Trademark that shit. Hear that Calmoseptine?

7. Cheetos

Cheetos in the morning, Cheetos in the evening, Cheetos at supper time. I know that wasn’t the song, but thats what it should have been. There is never not a good time for Cheetos. And only the regular ones. Screw those stupid puffy ones.

8. Internet BFFs

Srsly, some of them blog, some of them don’t, but every single one is a vital person in my life and my sanity. I adore you all so much, I really really do.

All of my butt buddies and all of my MS friend who read this blog I effing love you and I am thankful for you every single freaking day. Many I’ve “known” for years from the MS blog, some I met before my jpouch some after, some from blogging. I feel like I could travel anywhere and have a couch to crash on. Its so fantastic.

9. My jpouch

My life, my love, my butt hole. My jpouch is so super awesome. Not only does it enable me to disguise myself as a “normal” person, but it lets me live my life like I want to.

10. Camp Oasis

I should really write more about Oasis. Oasis changed my life. It gave me strengths and it showed me that I can change lives. I have the most amazing Oasis family and support system. If you you have a kid with IBD send them, please. Change their lives, give them confidence. If you’re an adult with IBD please be a counselor. Change your life, and gain confidence. I cannot say enough wonderful things about this place. Its a haven for all of us butt disasters. Singing dumb songs, playing dumb games, and looking like a slob for a week can really do wonders for your soul. This is the best week of my year, hands down.

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: