41 days. 41 days I have spent in the hospital due to colitis, and that does NOT include the 6 ER visits I’ve had. 41 days in a

Where were these when I was in the hospital!

stupid bed, with sheets that made me sweat, mostly un-showered, hooked to machines and tubes and in dumb gowns (and pants which I later stole).

Before 2006 I was A-OK, healthy as can be, awesome.ย  2006 was when I got my MS diagnosis but that really doesn’t bother me much.

Those 41 days were since my diagnosis of UC since June of 2009.ย  That is so insane to me.

Ok so get to the point right? The point is if in one year I spent 41 days in the hospital just after diagnosis, what would my future have held after that? If I had chosen NOT to do surgery, where would I have been?ย  I can’t even imagine.

I also just realized that I remember what it was like to have UC but it is fading. I remember pain, but not how bad it was. I remember blood, but not how frequent it was. I remember fevers, but not how much they sucked. What I do remember, is being sick. Just sick, all over the place sick in general. Its not that I remember anything specifically but I remember eating soup for weeks, chills, fevers, weight gain, my hair falling out, major fatigue…ect.

This makes me laugh.

I remember that was my life, and that was “normal” last year. God, I cannot believe that I really thought I wanted to live my life like that forever. The only thing that I still have from that, is being fat, and that can go away.

If you’re questioning these surgeries, honestly, no its not ideal. But this about what you’ve made “normal” in your life. Things that you just deal with because its how you make it through the day. I’m telling you, that stuff isn’t “normal” Its not. It took me a long time to realize that the stuff I put up with from UC was so far from normal. And there may be complications along the way, but now, I’m closer to normal that I ever was last year….and I have a bag of poop that hangs off of me. Hows that for irony.

side note: apparently googling “normal” gets you a bunch of pictures of female anatomy. Google…if you do nothing but humor me, I appreciate that.