This goes out to all of you lurking on this site and others like it, who have not had surgery yet. Those who swear they will NEVER have surgery. Those who would rather live in agony than live with a bag for a few months or forever.

So you think you know what it’s like to live with an ostomy as I’m sure you’ve seen it on Grey’s Anatomy once or something and you think that there is no greater death sentence in life than living with a shit bag attached to your side. No way. Gross. You’d rather die. Your IBD isn’t bad enough for an ostomy anyway.

Sound about right?

Listen to me when I say you really truly have no idea. I’m not going to tell you how it will change your life for the better, and you’ll be happier and healthier…because you won’t believe me. For whatever reason, non-ostomates think that those with ostomies are running this huge conspiracy to sucker everyone else into having surgery. Then when you get the ostomy, the ostomates will say “HAHA SUCKA. Now you’re one of us and you get to hate every day of your long long life”. You’ll spend the rest of your lives trying to convince people to get ostomies so they can be as miserable as you are. It’s a vicious cycle.

Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? Think for just a hot second that perhaps all of those people with ostomies out there who tell you they are thankful for it, might actually be telling the truth. When they say they got their freedom back and the ability to live their lives again….that it isn’t some ludicrous story they tell everyone.

I swear to you that no one who has an ostomy really wanted it. No one slammed through the door of colorectal surgeons office, demanded to see the surgeon, and then said with tears in their eyes, “There is nothing that I want more in life than an ostomy. Please make my life’s dream come true and cut out my organs and reroute my intestines to my stomach. This is my hearts desire. Grant me this one wish and I will forever live in a state of pure happiness”.

What I’m trying to say is that no one wanted the damn thing, but yet here they all are telling you it will be the best decision you ever made. These people have been to hell and back, they wouldn’t lie to you. I wouldn’t lie to you.

Think of an ostomy like a puppy. (Here she goes with analogies again). You love your puppy and a lot of the time it brings some joy to your life, and you’re happy to have the little guy. But what you didn’t realize when you got it, is how much it shits. It shits all over your house, and frankly you’re tired of cleaning up its shit. You get super frustrated with your puppy because it doesn’t know any better, but its not doing what you want it to do. Sometimes you just have to laugh at how ridiculous the whole situation it. You laugh at yourself and your puppy because even though you love it it can drive you nuts, but at the end of the day you’re happy you have your puppy and that it helps to make you happy.

Current music: Holding out for a hero – Bonnie Tyler (80’s are awesome playlist)